I find my tolerance for older single men waining.
Granted,
I used to be one.
Still am in fact
... sort of.
But remember Robin Hood.
Even though he lived in the forest with a bunch of guys doing cool things like swimming and hunting and shooting bad guys, he still had Maid Marian off in a castle pining away for him.
Even if you appear single, you should always have a Maid Marian. Its really nice.
I know this because I've found mine. But she's about two-thousand miles away right now so I have time to do this.
No, the real problem lies with young men who lack nothing, but the gumption to rise up and be men. That's an old phrase so I imagine it's an old problem. I just happen to be of the right age and circumstance to have finally noticed it myself.
I have nothing against the socially inept,
of which we are all members in varying degrees.
But there are some among us, too many I feel, that would rather go back to being fourteen than face the reality that time advances on almost a yearly basis.
I'm 28 years old. When am I going to grow up? I find a wonderful remedy is to look at one's life and recognize what is different now that you are 28... or whatever ripe old number you choose.
You can vote.
You can buy firearms without a parent.
You can open and close bank accounts, get a real job, drive your own car, and not live at home.
If I want to eat, I have to go to the store and buy groceries. The magical self clearing table and self emptying sink is gone from my life.
If I want clean dishes and to avoid botchulism, I have to clean them with dish soap.
I have to buy it.
At a store.
That means a certain amount of my income has to be spent on things I don't drool over in catalogs.
The magic of the bedroom and bathroom floor also disappeared when I moved out of my parent's home. My clothes have forgotten how to clean themselves and appear in my drawer hours after hitting the floor.
The startling thing to me is the number of men my age who still think these things just magically take care of themselves; that if you leave things out, they will somehow organize themselves and be found, clean, folded, sparkling, and or sorted neatly in some appointed place without any effort on your own part.
Its maddening.
And that's leaving out all the other strikingly annoying perceptions and habits of single guys my age- one of which is dating.
I get that rejection stinks.
And I get that sometimes it seems like nobody is interested.
And I further get that "it used to be easier."
And when it stopped being easy was probably about the time you got dumped or dissed or jilted or something horrible which no one else could possibly understand because it was the first time in the history of the world that someone felt lied to and got broken-hearted.
Guess WHAT! Everybody faces rejection!
IT IS A REALITY.
Perhaps we should thank rejection for just a moment for allowing us the chance to move beyond our first crush which we forgot all about because it was kindergarten.
If it weren't for rejection, you would be stuck with that girl from junior high. The one that liked you because she didn't know you yet and that you didn't like back.
Yeah.
That one.
Without rejection, you'd be married to her. So thank rejection.
Please.
It bugs me.
Why can't a guy that is this old learn that when a girl rejects you, you should stop pursuing?
Should he not have learned this years ago? Learn to read body language. There are books on it. Read one. When you've met someone and they seem really nice at first but then turn cold and are hard to get a hold of, stop trying. Just leave her alone. You're wasting your time, making her uncomfortable, and making yourself a nuisance.
Go away.
Also can guys stop singing the inverted Snow White song of, "Someday my princess will come."?
This is not how it works!
She doesn't come to you.
I know too many who think the idea of arranged marriage is a good one.
You have no taste.
Get some.
Your obligation and duty as an adult male is to go out into the world and find HER.
This involves dating.
You have to try out different people and relationships and get to know how to behave generally so that by the time you get to be my age, you're already married because no girl could resist the man you've become.
You've got to learn that its not fun being alone forever.
And if its not, then how much is it worth to not be.
And if its worth a lot like we're talking up there with breathing, then you'd better learn that when you see a girl you have interest in, and you haven't met her, and you still don't have a date, there had better be Hellishly good reasons why not, like that your face is on fire and your hands are chained to an enraged grizzly bear on PCP.
If you look around and none of those things are happening, you better get over there and meet her because if she's good enough to notice, she's good enough to date.
Your excuses will kill you.
Stop thinking before you do something good.
Treat this like the latest dumb thing you did. Did any consequence cross your mind before you did whatever it was you did?
NO.
SO WHY NOW???
Stop it immediately. Stand up and be men.
And can we stop with the high school girl thinking puzzles?
I get that girl's mature faster than boys, but is this really where you are?
When you've met someone interesting, but things seem to be kind of impossible and you aren't sure if this could work out or not- STOP.
Stop your stupid internal dialogue. You've only been on one date anyway.
There's only one question you need to ask yourself,
"Am I still interested?"
If the answer is yes, then you go out again and you find out how you feel from the actual reality of being with her, not at home or on long drives.
If you have something to say, say it to her.
Stop telling your friends what you're wondering.
Build some freaking intimacy between you and her and ask her directly what she thinks about things. You'll get a lot farther, and your friends will respect you more because you don't sound like a sixteen year old girl anymore.
And if you're not interested anymore, stop calling her.
Can we also stop feeling inadequate, unattractive and altogether lost in life?
I am tired of hearing people say how lost they feel.
This is life. Its supposed to be a surprise!
If you plan on getting married someday, having a career, and even a family, then do something about it.
Can everybody just stop worrying about the future for a moment and evaluate what you've learned about the world at this point,
what goals you've set for your future,
what accomplishments no matter how small you've made,
and then start to feel good about it?
Can you please just stop complaining and appreciate for one small moment the infinitesimally small contribution you've made in the world?
Can you for one moment look forward to the future with a little bit of confidence and say to yourself,
"That's where I'm going to be. And this is what I'm going to do to get there."
You find whatever you can do to advance.
You figure out some way to work on it every week and you write it down.
And then you do it.
This practice will give you confidence and direction. You'll find yourself more confident in your future because you're doing something about it today, and you know it. And when you do find someone you're interested in, you'll have developed a direction for your life.
If you plan on growing up someday and getting married, chances are the girl you marry will love you.
Quite a lot actually.
So can you start living like you mean it?
If someone is going to love and adore you, then maybe you ought to start figuring out why.
Then maybe you can walk with a little confidence that you actually do possess some good qualities.
In a world where childhood seems to be extending farther and farther into adulthood, can some of us stand up and shine a little.
Manhood, adulthood, and Robin Hood are what we should be growing up to be. Especially Robin Hood because he could shoot arrows and Maid Marian couldn't live without him.
So go find her.
